KINDRED #88

I’ll probably end up changing the title Kindred for the final project, but who knows how’ll feel when I am there. It’s time for me review the posts I’ve written over two years, probably cringe myself to sleep for a few nights and get on with tying the good stuff together. Which is exactly what I am attempting to do now. Building a bridge over the divergence by stringing together the good stuff. It’s not at all what I imagined it to be. Literally imagined; saw it in my head and there was this palpable current. The losses of people and that dream truly breaks my heart. Never the less, I made a comittment and I have to fulfill it however possible. Beyond the fact that I want to respect the boundaries that came when the world lost the child that inspired the work, it’s organically transforming into something much shorter with only select episodes of interviews.

The process has also evolved to give me the editor I needed exactly in the format I would want to interact with while I want to take a directing/cinematography  course. We set up my office as an editing suite with multiple screens and my teenager has an A in production including Final Cut, the software I purchased from the money raised. Things are coming together nicely as we head into the holidays. It took some reminding myself that the world will be the way that I look at it. It’s literally amazing how many possibilities exist in every and any moment. I’m doing my best to choose to focus on the positive ones.

So I’ll be working on a short rough reel with my kid. That’s pretty wild. The more experience he gets, the better. Part of me feels like a failure of a Jewish mother not pushing him towards medicine and law. He has the ability but without the will, it will ultimately end poorly. I’ve spent years observing the entertainment industry from both sides and know that if you start young and get paying your dues out of the way, stay professional and get the right breaks; there is no limit to whom you can become, while having more than some fun doing it. There’s a reason people are willing to put up with so much shit as assistants(personal and production), endure; every lump on the path is a step to the goal. It’s amazing. All the aspects of it, for the most part, allow you access to travel in the most exclusive mobile lifestyle.

Bonus; it is a genuine art form. When you, or at least I, watch something, we rarely notice the subtle nuances that create the suspention of disbelief. That requires the work of countless individuals who contributed to the finished project.  Some major choreography is essential. A skill I am learning and have a long way to go. It is the climb anyway that prepares me to plant my flag. Like with climbing an actual mountain; I’ve been hurt physically, emotionally, pushed to my limits and been crutially involved in the lives of others. It’s taken so much longer than I thought with the series of post production delays, once in a while I don’t think of it as a living document, but it is.

Next will come the bribing. Part of the reason I don’t worry too much about my son is that when he is into something, he’s a diligent worker. But to get him to take time to edit a rough for KINDRED will cost holiday bargaining. He’s already pretty set with a tour of Florida this spring break then a tour of Italy next year. It’s the biggest reason we stay in the skeleton of a community that once existed, the school is beyond equipped. I wish I had the access to the tech he has. Yes, obviously I adore him but he can be a totally rancid douchebag at times. I said it, judge away. Bad mommy, never put your child down. I’m not; I’m just calling a spade a spade and I’m sure he’d agree. Plus there are things he says that sometimes that fry my temper so much I have to restrain myself. Mind you he is twice my size. I’m the one in danger here.

I have to address the elephant in the situation. My partner is going through her process that I don’t want to infringe upon that whatsoever, but there were aspects of the business elements that she handled exclusively. The last thing I’m going to do is nudge a greiving mommy about anything, especially a loaded subject like this that was all inspired by her son and what he in our short window together did for me.  So I’ll work on what I can. There are many blogs to edit, delete and reflect upon to weave together while keeping the identity of the inspiration private. I can talk about the things he told me in relation to other cases. The footage of my subject was for a reason, just not the reason it seemed to be. I don’t think I can use it. I hate that this happened and it’s bringing out depresed Amy and I’m not like that, but I am super sensitive. I’m not winning any popularity contests anyway, so I may as well say what others won’t. Epecially if it’s funny, if grousome, humor spun around enlightenment on an issue that may be percieved in an entirely new way.

It never ceases to stun me what grief can drive people to do. I’ve fallen prey but never in the way my mother and two closest girlfriends have. They all were blamed and punished after the death, the time they need unconditional love the most, by people who have no idea what the day to day schedule of torment was like on them. People love to judge. There’s some sort of presumption about the unattractive and surprisingly, the very attractive. Other’s have put me in the later catagory most of my life. That’s a shame but what the gift of orchid-like beauty has granted me is priceless. Surgeons did double duty, doors open with only a smile, people let me get away with things they shouldn’t have. The opposite side is that women seldom feel comfortable as my friend. I get excused from things like its high school. It sucks because I am I sweetie, but here we are and I live from now forward.

Writing is still hard and that has to occur alone in my head, so maybe the editing is the best thing to get back on the horse, by having my son lead me. I always said I’ll know I did a good job if I raise a good man. Mine takes it a bit far but I’d rather he be too conservative with commencing advanced teenage social activities, and that’s all good with us. Ironic he is in part named after a spy turned gangster, my grandfather. He can be slick, or tries to be. His father and I were accomplished con artists when necessary so this is no surprise that he bargins like a lawyer, again, maybe I should encourage both, if it wouldn’t kill him. The best lawyers are producers and performers. They are stubborn and will pull that rope tie chew until it’s end splinters apart or you give up.

With all of the accusations flying around about Trump and his affinity for unwanted sexual encounters, it has brough up feelings of my own experience. It’s distant enough that delving into it should be fine. Plus, this one will have many interviews to compelate. Almost every woman I know has had something happen to them, that’s just as infuriating and unacceptable. I do my best work when I’m passionately engaged. Telling these experiences and turning the guy who assaulted me into a shishkbob feels like the right thing to do. That also includes the information of how many kids are being sexually abused as far as reported cases. Rarely does the victim come forward, much less if it is a child. I’ll begin doing real research on it soon. I intend to approach the project as a healing experience for me and those that experience it. It’s not about dwelling on the past. It’s about learning from it as you continuously move forward.

Personally, it’s been a weird phase. The meteor shower the othernight really shook up the energies. I’m choosing to focus on the good things and issues I can assist in doing something about. There are several great things on the horizon I am thrilled to do. Plus we have friends down New Years and my birthday on 1/13. My best friend being able to see me about every three months is a huge blessing. This woman is a glow stick, she shines with her confidence to handle anything that comes her way. She’s beautiful. She’s got the best heart and bless that heart, she loves me and spoils me whenever she can, knowng I’d do it for her. So New Years, we’re all going to stay at Disney and watch from a good spot. It gets so crowded it’s like Times Square. Once you’re in the spot, that’s where you’ll be staying. So we choose a resort but hey, you never know.

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