It’s December a year after beginning our journey, and I feel totally depleted. It’s been a roller coaster of a year that I’m caught in the whiplash of. It’s not that so much happened with me, but they sure beat the hell out of my loved ones and Rachel’s dad dying was the cherry on the coffin; you know what I mean.
My passion for the project is without abate but Rach is my rudder. It’s been very complicated for me to do what I have to do and even conceive of what she usually handles. I’m an adult with a worthy cause I’ll do pretty much anything to raise the awareness of foster care but I chase the butterflies in our company. I’m not organized, especially compared to the ultra-organized. I look like, no, I am a bit of a mess. It’s the same with the project. I can do local charity and get copies sent out to Rachel, but that’s about it for the year and its driving me up the wall.
I worry and hurt for these kids during the holidays. It can get emotional for me out of the blue and I was loved and have a family, home and frills. What would I be feeling if there never was anyone? If I had nobody to count on? If everybody I ever counted on exploited me in some way? It’s too much. I have to remember to filter and not let that negativity in. Then I can become paralyzed and I can’t help anyone, including myself.
So I really need to chill. I’m involved in a health fair where I’ll showcase both the film as it stands and local charity. That’s the best I can do with what I have right now. I’m truly sick of being depressed at all, so I choose to do my best to be happy, to think happy thoughts and do festive, happy things. We cannot have a tree due to our kittens, so I am going to line the rooms with white lights and if I can find green, will make a light tree on the wall.
I’ve given everything I have to my passion for kids more this year than ever before. I did what I was most afraid to do, I jumped. I leapt off the cliff hoping I would learn to fly fast. I wouldn’t say it’s seamless, it’s more like the dog paddling of flying; but I haven’t hit the ground. My challenges are placed in my path for reasons. I just have to have the hardest thing for a wounded child inside a woman to muster, faith.
Thank you to everyone who has come on this journey with us. Please check out kindredmovie.wix.com/kindred for more info and how you can get involved today.