Six months gone…
Six months ago, on the summer solstice, I made a a very special, important wish. I boldly put my intention into the universe and imagined what now, December 21st, would look like. I chanted “I promise I’ll spend the rest of my life doing this…please help.” Obviously I was referring to KINDRED and all humanitarian gestures of which I am capable. I even had a little ceremony. There were candles, incense, flowers and great music. I pushed all the furniture out of the way and I danced around the bare floor. I put everything I had into willing this project into being.
It’s truly miraculous what putting that much energy out there can do. God, the multiverse and mother nature all came together and answered my call. In June, I was still on my first draft of the Indiegogo campaign. It had everything in it, like a large lump of clay, but needed a lot of refining and contour. I stripped it down and down until I felt it was ready. I read the pitches to myself as though I am not myself and gage how much I would be effected by the delivery of the information.
And I was terrified. The night I sent what I thought was a good first draft off to a few trusted friends, I couldn’t sleep. Literally. I was so paranoid and these are people who love me. How would I deal with real criticism? I thought every opinion would be like daggers in my heart. Being so incredibly sensitive can be a curse. Then you add the authenticity of a project of this nature. It amped it up to mean the world to me. To have my life and my heart devoted to my true calling.
As it turns out, being genuine and vulnerable are the best armor anyone can carry. There’s nothing anyone can say that will do anything to hurt me unless I allow it. Besides, there’s not much about myself that I don’t accept. Especially if it involved making mistakes. Embracing and owning my screw ups gives me the freedom not to fear people judging me. None of my mistakes were that bad thank whatever. When you get to this age, you’ve had enough time to observe how the rest of the world behaves. It gives great perspective about where on the mountain you actually stand.
I promised to conduct myself with integrity. I asked for a sign, a miracle, artistic inspiration and MONEY! I care about it least but it is the foundation for any project that needs actual production. I asked for guidance as far as the budget I ask the group funding for. I needed a lot and now need more but chose to ask for as demure a sum as possible. Even if I raised enough just to get to Portland, to Rachel’s, and beg, borrow or buy a camera and return it, it would be awesome!
Life was holding this big surprise behind my line of sight. The campaign went live on August 13th and within three weeks, we were blessed with OVER the entire amount requested. My life started coming together more than it ever had before and I was consciously choosing my actions. Except the day we received our 9000 anonymous endowment. It came in three separate donations so the first sent me into outer space. I was gasping and clasping my hand over my mouth. Then the next two came in immediate succession. I jumped up and almost smashed the laptop on the floor. I continued to jump up and down like a kid for an hour. Repeating Thank You God over and over.
Today, I get to work on the editing for this film that we raised the money for. I have purpose everyday, even when something else is challenging me, I never doubt that I am doing what I was put on this Earth to do. Then we have upcoming interviews to shoot and add! It still hasn’t sunk in all the way. I keep waiting for it to be taken away. It’s a common unconscious fear among those who have lost family and security. Yet I am typing on the MacBook Pro that those backers in essence bought for me. It’s here, so is my camera equipment. The mobile technology necessary to run a production facility almost anywhere. I treat those things like babies. I pick them up super carefully, I keep all hands that touch them clean. I even will stroke them at times providing further evidence just how happy having them makes me.
I wish everyone blessings on this winter solstice. In my ceremony today, I gave thanks for the gifts bestowed upon me. I asked for comfort and safety for all in need. I wished for health, joy, prosperity, impact, energy, power(the loving kind), happiness for my family and courage for me. After the editing is done, I have to find a way to get it onto the world stage. If you have any ideas, shout ’em out please. Rachel and I are ridiculously open minded and welcome anyone who has something to contribute. And again, I bow in namaste gratitude. I let out an om as I blew the candle out that carries these intentions. Whatever happens, thank you. It’s been a wild ride. In my mind, I can see the faces of the children that will feel human because of KINDRED.
Now to get it done…