Thank you for your indulgence yesterday. The healthiest thing I have found that I can do for myself is allow my feelings to come and then interpret what my inner knowing is trying to tell me.
This is about letting go. I am allowing myself a few days of down time, but still I went shopping for editing systems. Well, powerful Mac laptops that can do tons of stuff I will need. My musical director and composer Evan Danziger lives just over the line to Jersey from Penn. It will allow me to bring it to him where he has all his equipment and not ask him to miss a beat at job-work. That will take a while. I’m thinking January I’ll be ready for the music.
In conveying the emotion of the scenes I will be showing, music is integral. Have you ever watched one of the scenes that has always scared you or tugged at your heart so hard you cry? Watch it in silence. You immediately see how much we as feeling beings are pulled by sound, and susceptible to it.
Everybody I know who has some degree of PTSD, and it’s way more people than it should be, all say it’s sound that’s one of the biggest triggers. And they can be innocuous sounds to us for example keys jingling or a car door slam; but to the individual that is the alarm for the central nervous system and amygdaloid(fight or flight) response.
There are certain songs I feel very strongly about wanting to use. I mentioned one many blogs back but I fear naming others will be bad luck, so for now I just compose my fantasy score, including Evan’s beautiful, soulful highlights and transitions, and pray and wish and research how not to pay too much for rights. So if you happen to know Eminem, let me know how to best reach him. It’s his song I want the most. Also a lot of obscure 80’s. Ever listen to the entire Pretty in Pink soundtrack? There are some classic tracks we only heard tastes of in the movie.
It’s Monday before Thanksgiving. Everybody is just chilling out as able. No school for the whole week, something I really disagree with. Then I remember how lucky I am to have my sweet kid and how many others are out there. Seriously, I dote in my son. Every kid deserves that. Breaks my heart to know how many kids the season means nothing to because nobody cares. Mike told me one family he stayed with bought him a neat outfit one Christmas so he wouldn’t embarrass them, but they could still play the ‘oh look, we took in a foster’ card.
So after the holiday we’ll cut the next clip. There is so much great stuff we got recorded, it’s easy to see why directors have a hard time cutting their shots. But this is formatting; an hour to 90 minutes running time. So we really have to sift through and separate the good from the great and poignant.
I would love to say we are cooking but alas, cooking for a small family is nearly impossible. Plus it’s more festive to be out. Like I’ve said, I’m still exhausted but I need to go play. So does my family. So before or after or both, we will be at Disney acting like four year olds and recharging my battery. Being around lots of kids does that too. Even the ‘will you shut that kid up please’ kids. It reminds me how massive the amount of children who need help is.
That’s one of my dreams. Do a KINDRED Foundation function at Disney World. It’s corny, contrived and manufactured…but when your life is so traumatic, that can be a great little injection of hope that sometimes, dreams do come true.

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