KINDRED #15

It is frosty here alright. The air is thin and crisp; impressing upon me to be present to every moment. To really pay attention. Today, that process gets right in my face. It’s why I’m here and scary at the same time.
The details. I’m a very emotional person but have a scientific curiosity. Before I had my son, I read and watched a lot about forensic pathology. I could watch any horror (almost) and go on unaffected. After the kid was born, I couldn’t go there for a really long time. I projected the violence happening to a child of mine and how my adrenaline would largely dictate my response. But in my imagination, what wouldn’t I want to see happen to people who hurt children. We can go really old school on that one.
So, engaging in the conversation and dissection of these events with both DHS workers and Mike has me thrown off. Rachel and I broke down how to make it the least dramatic for everyone. Still it feels wrong to ask Mike about his monsters. Like poking a wound.
The irony I see is that I was at one time the queen of tmi too, too soon. I used it as self defense. It’s been over for many years, but now I understand why I did it. And I have to go into some ugly facts with Mike. And I adore Mike. He’s amazing. I cannot understand how anyone wouldn’t. Charming as well, as I am. That’s saying a lot. He actually completely outdoes me. So much brilliance in this one being. I see no bounds for his growth and success in life.
The main obstacle I see, as an outsider, is for lack of actual affection and realistic financial allocation, there are hundreds of thousands of kids who would get an actual fair chance. Otherwise, when you feel forsaken by the world, the most common response is to act in turn. What a waste of precious lives.
No family birth right guarantees you will be well cared for. Loved and nurtured. I was and everything went to hell anyway. So it becomes doubly important to go out of our way to make sure kids that wind up in the system don’t disappear into it. This is not a group, it’s moving upwards of 400,000 kids. That’s a generation that can re-establish America as the greatest nation in the world if we give them reason to believe it.
Back we come to my agenda of the day. First a drive to Eugene, a home base for my breed of Deadhead. There we conduct our interviews at A Family For a Every Child, the agency where Rachel and Kim connected with Mike. They specialize in making unadoptable unacceptable for children of many varied circumstances. Then Mike tonight.
I wish for good, positive energy, luck, timing and energy. Not having been in real winter cold has made me want the hibernate in my quiet king size hotel bed. Even have a blanket Mike made on top of the hotel standards. All cuddly. Tie dye with dog bones for the pattern. Sooo nice.
Time to employ the hard core caffeine today. Honestly, still makes me want to wince. It’s very difficult work and I have to work not to feel it to my bones. Anybody who wants to pull for me today. It’s much appreciated. Pull for us. Pull for this kid being so brave it humbles me.

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