It’s about five in the morning. I’m a little loosened up, I’m not going to lie. And it occurred to me how much more I have to thank and reach out to anyone who reads this. I know I ramble. I really do mean well and believe my continued existence depends in a very direct way with the amount of an impact Rachel and I can make on the greater enlightenment of the topic.

We have been hard at work confirming our production schedule and shooting call times. Rachel is seriously born for this! Then, zen and beyond…having her know me so well as to anticipate the needs and gets them done the cheapest yet best way possible. Her variety of jobs have completely prepared her for this one. Most producers I’ve met are full of crap, not many mean what they say. I have no doubt, in projects with Hoover Drive or in helping any independent agency; the woman delivers.

The circle of life here still astounds me. This was a dream a year ago. I became so enraged about what I learned concerning Mike and other kids in foster, I went old, old school. I got candles and essential oil and incense. I got almost totally undressed and lit the flammables. I closed my eyes and wished. Prayed. It’s all the same to me. I asked the universe to let this passion become my job and life’s purpose. That I pledge my life and in the gratitude I still have it( after some very intense medical crisis), to dedicating it to helping as many of these kids as I can.

I am a dramatically flawed human being. I have made many mistakes. I never acted out of malice but my behavior at times was less than exemplary. It occurred to me what a waste of a saved life that is. And, as I’ve said, this particular set up, Portland with medical compassion and alternatives I’ve never even heard of, is, in many ways, what I didn’t know I needed and couldn’t happen any other way.

The best part is that the ability to raise the funds came from people who believe in the project. By donation or motivation or promotion, lots of people from distant corners have come together at the right times to make this happen. I will be flying to Portland on Monday, 4 days from now. In a strange way, it’s like waiting to go into labor. I know I will adore the end result but  getting it out of me may prove uncomfortable and scary because of not knowing what to expect exactly.

But that’s all fine. The message is to experience what you genuinely experience, move and learn through it and use it to step up to the next level of perception. Today, it’s one of the super-fun-silly parts. My friend Vicki is picking me up to go to the salon to cut my almost down to my tush strawberry blonde hair and pick out some new appropriate wardrobe choices. All for production needs. It’s going to be fun! I cannot thank you guys enough.

This moon ushered in a feeling of new beginnings for me. It’s cold and cleansing. I made my wishes and said my prayers, blew out the flames and twirled the smoke between my long fingers and said amen. I can’t say it’s responsible for this but it didn’t hurt at all. Things can be willed into being. And what I want is as uneventful and happy and shoot as possible, to feel fantastic, serendipitous meetings with people I admire starting on Saturday night. I’m going to see Kevin Smith and Jay Mewes at the Improv in Orlando. We also are attending a fundraiser while I am in Oregon, where our project can be widely discussed.

Kevin almost single handedly gave me the courage to even try to do this project. A home town(kinda) boy who followed through and encourages others to do so. I hope I get to just quickly stand and thank him without plugging us. That’s one great leftover from stage acting, if needbe, I can make getting up to go to the bathroom into a crescendo of adorable accidents until they have to engage me.  I’d prefer just to pull the table man aside and tell him that I wanted to say something. I’ll let everyone knows how it goes.

So, after a very busy week…today I play, wisely, and return from that excursion a professional warrior, a white-hat gladiator, ready to take on everything on slaying a dragon to the rain in Portland. Love that to hang back a bit. But it is all going to be an amazing journey that has already changed me.

Gratitude isn’t a big enough word. The man with the mouse is right, bless his creative heart, if you can dream it, you can do it. After all, how can magic happen unless you really believe it exists?

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