In a project where I have become accustomed to not talking about myself too much, or at all if I’m really doing my job well, it feels awkward and self indulgent to talk about myself so much here. There will be days I’ll need to scream about things about myself here or on a camera confession, although I plan on avoiding those. I personally don’t connect with doing it without vanity involved; we’ll see how I feel when the time comes.
Today was a good balance of accomplishment and beating myself up for not actually having superhuman strength and being exhausted! And it all relates to the name Rachel and I(well I but she quickly agreed:) chose for our production company, Hoover Drive Entertainment; the street that beholds my childhood home in North Brunswick, New Jersey.
I woke up around two a.m. I was signing papers in a dream and I literally woke up and found myself compelled to get up and finish our KINDREDmovie.com website. I’m not technological at all. My partner, Rachel, and I had been having a hard time getting time lined up. I was intimidated and I was embarrassed that I was intimidated. But I suddenly awoke from natural sleep knowing what to do, more or less, and wasn’t stopping until it was done already!
Sunrise almost broke at about seven. It’s been raining for days but light from outside caught my eye, so I knew to wake my son for school. I posted the website in our KINDRED VIP FB group and was leaving messages to Rachel, but my get up and go had clearly got up and went! I was getting bleary-eyed so I double checked that everything looked good and shut down my computer.
Even after eating and clearing my DVR, I was still just spent. Rachel finally got back to me and after we communicated, I told her I was off to meditate and take a nap(again she agreed right away:)! Actually, there are few people in the world who I give a hoot about the opinion of. After I lost my mom, that was a side-effect. Rachel is one. So I went to bed, until mid-afternoon.
I woke with a start, jumping up forgetting if I was forgetting something. When I saw what time it was, I was really disappointed in myself. I tried to get up but found I was still tuckered out. I decided pizza sounded reasonable so I round up my kid and we head out. As I’m on my way out, among the bills a very small royalty check from a sci-fi book I worked on a few years ago came in. It’s my first, ever. My son gave me a high five!
We pulled in the gas station in our small, private suburb of Orlando and saw a man seeking shelter from the rain. He looked displaced and humble, scruffy in a denim jacket and jeans; holding a plastic bag. He did his best not to make eye contact with me or Tyler, my son. I looked at the man carefully to assess his level of threat and he appeared harmless. I handed my kid some cash and sent him into the store to pay while I walked over to the man.
“Sir, are you okay?” He hesitated. He didn’t want to look me in the eye. I asked again in my especially angelic voice. Finally I got him to look at me. I smiled. I had five dollars folded in my hand casually as not to embarrass him. I wasn’t expecting what happened next. “Will this help you get something to eat or something you need?” I asked and handed him the money. Tyler came back out and watched us while he pumped the gas for me.
“I’m not going to look at that money,” he said and started to cry, “what I really need is a hug.” I said of course and hugged him and listened to him for a moment or two. I wished him blessings and he wished us the same and we went on our way. We intersected all because I slept the afternoon away and still had to grab a pizza.
My day, much like my street growing up, is just like a circle. This day started off with momentum, had some hills, some coasting areas, surprise and the end of it is just the beginning of it again. Is it the end of it? Not quite…I’m basking in the gratitude of having taken a very long, hot shower and having cold sausage, mushroom pizza waiting for me.